IVF Take Three

Well, a lot has happened since my last post on this subject. I started a draft post mid July, but let that sit so long it's woefully out of date. So here's what's going on...

We went to the consult with the new doctor. We thought it would be a straightforward deal, just getting the details down for a try with my sister in law as the carrier. The doctor presented us with some options to mull over, though, including using donor eggs since my wife is now over forty. We went home and after a bit of hand wringing my wife decided that this is our last chance to have her own child so we would go with her eggs this time. Her sister is several years younger so if she's still willing we could try again later with donor eggs or adopted embryos. (Probably the latter since we're both not entirely comfortable with a child being from one of us but not the other, but would be fine with adoption if it weren't such an ordeal.)

Anyway, the protocol is underway. My wife is in the stimulation phase and will probably be ready for the retrieval in a week or so. Meanwhile my sister in law is primed for the transfer and waiting. (She has it easy: instead of shots she gets to use vaginal suppositories.)

We also got some good news today. My sperm numbers have improved greatly. The motility is greatly improved and the morphology is at 4% normal. The best morphology I've gotten in previous collections was 1%. I've been taking coenzyme Q-10 and vitamin E supplements most nights with dinner for the past month or so, the E for a bit longer. I don't know if that's what's made the difference, but my numbers are all at or near the minimum levels to be considered "normal" and I intend to continue. We both will be increasing our exercise as well to get in better shape, given that we now have an off chance of getting pregnant on our own. (It would be really crazy if she and her sister were both pregnant with our babies at the same time.)

I do believe we'll be having more sex. We've been off it for a bit. The low sperm counts & quality have been a bit of a downer, and it's hard not to think about it when you're thinking about sex. It just gives the whole thing a feeling of futility. Now, though, that load is lifting and we're both excited about it. I'm not sure when or if I'd be having any more analyses done, though, so there's a danger of uncertainty undermining that feeling if much time goes by with no luck that way. I guess we could always request an analysis.

With the numbers improved my wife asked the doctor if we were in IUI range now, and he said yes. I don't know if we'll do that, though. I read about a study recently that indicated that in cases of unexplained infertility using IUI (artificial insemination) or Clomid (to stimulate egg production) work no better than increasing the frequency of sex. Of course, you might say our infertility would be explained by my low counts & quality, but that in itself in unexplained, as is the fact that we've had three transfers of decent numbers of decent embryos with none implanting. I guess we'll see.

Another Dip In The IVF Roller Coaster

A couple days ago my wife and I ran into a bit of a conflict.

After a conference call between us and an adoption agency rep that didn't go so well she indicated she was having second thoughts about going through with the upcoming IVF cycle. I think the call may have only brought this to a head, but that her doubts may have been mostly stoked by an orientation meeting we had with another adoption agency with a local branch. At the meeting one of the things they mentioned was embryo adoption. (One of the couples there is older than us and is planning on doing that.)

She said she wasn't entirely comfortable with creating embryos without their being able to survive. We've discussed this before. My view is that this is what happens when people conceive naturally, or us at least. A naturally fertilized embryo has little more chance to implant and carry to term than an artificially fertilized one - less if the protocol includes measures to stimulate the growth of a better, more hospitable, lining in the uterus. All we are doing in IVF is accelerating the process so that we get to the one that survives sooner. Her problem, though, is in knowing that's going on.

She also is frustrated with going through all the pain of the injections with nothing to show for it. The expense is a factor too. Adoption would be much more expensive, and would bring in outsiders with a say in things, but is much more of a sure thing.

As for myself, I really want us to have our own child. I'm an atheist, if I haven't mentioned that before. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. I believe that the only way we live on after we die is through our biological descendants, and I don't want to disappear when I'm gone. I'm ready to accept that when we've tried everything we can it will be time to move on. I'm just not ready to accept it before we've done everything, and this cycle with her sister as the carrier would be our best chance yet for a child of our own.

She's gone through such doubt before, and it was also around this time in her cycles. She does get very emotional when she is premenstrual. I'm not dismissing her feelings. I'm just saying they are hormonally amplified at the moment. I think that ultimately we will go through with the IVF. We have a consult with the doctor coming up this week, with my sister in law present, so we can go over the protocol and know what to expect. (There is some extra testing, for STDs mainly, beyond what was done already for our earlier attempts.) My wife hasn't indicated she was canceling that, so I think we will likely ride through this dip.

It's still very frustrating and depressing. I didn't anticipate this kind of thing when we started. But I think that ultimately we can get through it.

UPDATE: My wife was out this morning and came back to pick me up to get lunch and bring it to Secret Headquarters. Over lunch she mentioned the appointment we have Friday and how we should go about convoying or carpooling with her sister. (I suggested that we carpool in her sister's car since she has the GPS and we've only been to the doctor's office once before, and that we should pay for the gas.) She said she hoped it worked. We also talked about what to do after if it doesn't, like maybe trying out doing interim care (short-term foster parenting) for infants and/or small children in the process of being adopted. It could be a foot in the door if we decide adoption is right for us, and would help us decide and get ready.

Another IVF Back On The Table

My wife's sister called last night and said she was up for carrying our baby for us. My wife was trembling while she was on the phone with her. I talked her down, a little, since we want to keep our expectations realistic: though this may well be our best shot at our own baby yet, the odds are still against us. We're hoping, though, that the big factor was my wife's health and the conditions in her uterus. We're also hoping we get some extra embryos to freeze again this time. Oh heck, we're hoping for a baby.

Meanwhile, we have an adoption orientation meeting/class coming up. We're going to be laying what groundwork we can for that, particularly researching adoption agencies. (Any tips, recommendations, or warnings are welcome. Please comment.)